They say you will never forget your first heartbreak. But I don’t remember mine. In fact, I don’t remember love at all. It’s been so long since I last loved someone.
I almost always think that I am in love, then after some time I will realize that it was just a desperate need for someone to hold me. I get hurt, but it’s not the kind of hurt that will crumble me down. I’ve been so self-aware, and I don’t let myself to be vulnerable.
I don’t even know if I am still capable of loving and accepting love.
I don’t know anymore.
I’ve never felt this awesome and contented in my life. This is actually the first time for me to welcome a new year without me wishing for everything to be over already.
This year I just feel like I want everything in my life, all the bullshit included, to just be there and continue to make my life such an amusing ride.
Happiness is a choice, indeed. In 2013 I learned how to take control over my life. To expect the bullshit but take none of it. To let everyone in your heart but to be careful who you choose to stay. To appreciate the little joys given by the people you love and trust. To not give a single fuck. To accept all my flaws. To live everyday one day at a time. And to stand up for who I am even when nobody else will stand by me.
2013 is the year that made me realize that I am already a grown, independent woman. I can just get through anything.
Bring it on, 2014.
Eto na yata ang sign. Kailangan ko na yata talagang manahimik at tantanan na siya. Pero kilala ko ang sarili ko at alam kong walang nang ulong mas matigas pa sa akin. Sasabihin ko ngayon na ayoko na at titigil na ako pero wala pang limang minuto o kaya makita lang kita hindi ko nanaman mapipigilan ang sarili ko.
Bakit ba kasi gustong gusto kong pinagsisiksikan sarili ko sa mga lugar na di naman dapat? Bakit ba kasi ganyan ka? Pano ba kita titiisin? Masisisi mo ba ako na hindi ko to kayang pigilan? Masisisi mo ba ako?
Heto nanaman. Maghihintay nanaman ako.
These bruises that you gave me go beyond than what can be seen on the surface. These bruises are a physical reminder that you were once here. Blow by blow you left your mark on me. The pain, the pleasure, the sting; it all reminds me of you.
You bruised my heart, and unlike those that are seen on my skin, the ones that you left in my heart will be here forever. I know it was stupid of me to think that maybe something will blossom out of this foolishness. There was something sweet, something irresistible, something so right in this series of bad decisions and mistakes that we made.
And I wanna keep on having these bruises. If that is the consequence of having you even for just a moment. Keep them coming. I don’t know if in the long run I will regret letting you in but I know that I would certainly regret if I let this pass me by.
Feelings, people and even time will come and go. I just wanna live in this moment. For I know that these feelings, you, and this time of my life will never come back again. I know that I will never be able to find something like this ever in my life.
Loving you is the sweetest sin.
It’s true what they say, you play with fire and you’ll get burned. But why am I the only one burning?
I need to grow some lady balls and do something about what I’m feeling now. It’s been a long time since I felt something like this. I’ve seen a lot of other guys but I’ve never been this sure. Plus, I have this feeling that the timing is finally right. I just know that you are worth the shot.
Let’s see how this works out.
I am terrified.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be there for you but I’m not sure if you’d like that. I’m ready to give you just anything and everything but I’m not sure if it is what you need.
I just know that I just never felt something like this in a very long time. I am overwhelmed by these emotions and I don’t know what to do about it.
Part of me wants to tell you everything so bad but a part of me tells me that it will be a very very very bad idea.
I’m thinking, “Why complicate things? They’re all good now.”
Then I think again saying “Maybe he’s worth all the complications.”
Now I’m just rambling.
I’m just terrified.
Someday, I will tell you something very important. I will wait for the right timing. I will wait ‘til I finally gather all the courage.
I don’t want this to pass me by. I don’t want it to end knowing that I can do something but I didn’t. I want to try. I know you’ll be worth the try.
Not now. Not yet. But hen that day comes, my words will be simple; and my words will be true.
|<p>||A: Knock knock.<br>|
|B:||Who's there? <br>|
|B:||Sembreak who? <br>|
|A:||SEMBREAK but it feels just a little bit bigger now. </p>|